


Defective

by hideeho



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Buck is going through it, Coda from Buck Begins, Eddie is there for him, First Kiss, M/M, Soft Eddie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:21:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29496486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hideeho/pseuds/hideeho
Summary: “What can I say? I was born defective."“No,” Eddie says sharply, surprising even himself. Hen and Chim share a look between them as Buck furrows his brow in confusion.“Hey, Eds,” Buck softens, clearly trying to figure out where he misstepped. This was hardly the first time he has made the joke and that was exactly the problem. “It’s just a joke.”“And if Chris made that joke? Would it be funny then?”Or, Eddie is not here for anyone talking poorly about the man he loves, not even Buck himself. Especially not Buck.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 51
Kudos: 732





	Defective

**Author's Note:**

  * For [indiguus](https://archiveofourown.org/users/indiguus/gifts).



> For Sven who said I should write this. 
> 
> And a big thank you to Katie for being my beta! Thank you for putting up with me.

Buck seems better. Not fine, but better. 

His parents have left town and there is a slight weight off his shoulders, a feeling Eddie knows all too well. One good conversation doesn’t make up for nearly three decades of pain, nor does it guarantee that three decades worth of behavior will magically get better overnight. It’s something, a start if Buck is lucky and a brief reprieve if he’s not. A corner has been turned, but that doesn’t mean the damage has been erased. He can see it in the way Buck’s smile tugs too tightly against his teeth, the way his gaze drifts off to some far off place they can’t see. 

Eddie knows that there is no easy fix, no magic wand he can wave to make it better. It will take time, but that doesn’t make it any easier to see a shadow loom over someone who shines so brightly. 

Buck doesn’t need someone to fix him, he simply needs someone who will be there. People who will be there. He doesn’t presume to be the  _ one  _ person he needs, he’d just like to be one of them. If Buck wants him to be; it’s Buck’s choice after all. Right. Anyway. 

He’ll be there however Buck needs. It’s not exactly a chore, only…

Buck seems to have adopted his tactic of deflective humor. Eddie’s not blind to the irony of it driving him up the wall. He gets the instinct. Hell, he perfected the technique long before he ever met Buck, which is why he knows how awkward it sits on the tongue of someone so earnest. 

He’ll play along because that’s what Buck needs. He’s  _ been  _ playing along. And it’s fine. Mostly. Except when he--

“What can I say? I was born defective."

“ _ No _ ,” Eddie says sharply, surprising even himself. Hen and Chim share a look between them as Buck furrows his brow in confusion. 

“Hey, Eds,” Buck softens, clearly trying to figure out where he misstepped. This was hardly the first time he has made the joke and that was exactly the problem. “It’s just a joke.”

“And if Chris made that joke? Would it be funny then?”

Buck’s face falls at his words and Eddie hates himself for it. He shifts under the weight of their eyes on him. He doesn’t even bother to make his excuses as he lifts himself off the couch, heading down the stairs to regain his thoughts in the locker room.

A strategic retreat. 

Eddie drops onto the wooden bench, burying his face in his hands. His knuckles long for the scrape of flesh against the rough fabric of the punching bag, but he settles for the breathing techniques he’s been learning in therapy. Well worth the thirty dollar copay. Punishing himself won’t make the bullies that would mock his son disappear, they won’t erase nearly three decades of emotional neglect from Buck’s life. He’s not upset with Buck, he’s upset with the circumstances that made Buck ever for the slightest second think that he’s  _ defective _ . 

A soft rap of knuckles against the door has him lifting his head. 

“Eddie, I’m sorry--”

“No,” Eddie interrupts, holding Buck’s gaze with his own. “I wasn’t...I’m not mad at you, Buck, or upset or anything else you might be thinking. Don’t apologize, not to me and not about that, please.”

“You seemed pretty upset to me,” Buck points out softly, leaning against the door in an attempt to appear nonchalant but Eddie can see through his act. 

“Not at you,” Eddie assures him, patting the bench beside him. He holds in the sigh of relief as Buck moves to sit down, barely an inch between them despite having the entire room to themselves. He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, knowing he needs to get this right. “Look, I get the urge, okay? If you make a joke of it, you take away its power, but it doesn’t work. Each time you make a joke of it some part of you is accepting that it’s true and it’s not. It’s  _ not,  _ Buck.” 

Buck is silent for a while, but for how long Eddie can’t be sure. It feels like ages, but maybe it was only seconds. It stretches between them heavy, but unhurried. “What if it is?”

“It’s not,” Eddie says without question. “Would you ever say Chris was defective?”

“What, of course not,” Buck snaps, angry at even the suggestion. Good. 

Shannon loved Christopher, but she saw his CP as a fault. Not a fault on Christopher himself, no, but a fault on herself. A personal failing, something that should have been different. It was an insidious way of thinking, especially when the only way to fix it was to change Christopher himself. Eddie has made his own mistakes out of fear to be sure, but his fear is in his own inadequacies and never about Christopher himself. Now he spends every day with Christopher trying to make sure he knows there is nothing Eddie would change about him, that he’s perfect in his imperfections. 

_ You can do anything, Christopher.  _

_ Not anything. _

_ No, but no one can and that’s okay.  _

Buck deserves to be told the same, deserves so much more than he has been given. 

“Do you think he is exactly how we envisioned when Shannon was pregnant? Doesn’t make him any less perfect. There is nothing wrong with you and you’re certainly not defective.”

“You saying I’m perfect?” Buck asks cheekily with a self deprecating grin. 

“No,” Eddie says with a fond roll of his eyes. “I’m saying you don’t need to be to be worthy of love.”

“My parents love me.”

Eddie nods. People can love you and hurt you. Parents can love their children and still do irreparable damage. He’s made his own mistakes as a parent, he just hopes that Buck’s parents work to earn the forgiveness Buck so desperately wants to extend. 

“Maddie loves me,” Buck continues when Eddie doesn’t speak. “The 118.”

“Chris,” Eddie adds with a smile. 

“You?”

“Yeah, me,” Eddie admits without hesitation. He turns to fully face Buck, cupping his cheek in his hand, Buck’s stubble scratching against the calloused skin of his palm. It’s an odd feeling, but one he doesn’t mind. “So be kind to yourself, okay? You don’t need to be in pain to be worthy of love.”

Buck lets out a ragged breath, eyes wet as he drops his gaze to the floor as he curls in on himself out of shame or disbelief he can’t be sure. That just won’t do at all. 

Eddie scoots closer, pressing his lips against Buck’s temple, the stubble of his check, the point of his nose and smiling as he startles a laugh out of Buck. Now that he’s started he can’t seem to stop, one hand resting on the curve of Buck’s hip, the other on the warm bulk of his thigh. 

“I see you, Buck.” A kiss to his eyelid. “I love you.” The other eyelid. “You don’t have to prove you’re worthy of love.” The soft spot below his ear. “You always have been.” His lips. His soft perfect lips in a ghost of a kiss that’s perfect and infuriating all at once. 

“I...I won’t make the joke again,” Buck swears, sounding out of breath as if they’ve been kissing for hours and not a mere second. “Does that mean you’ll stop making dark jokes as well?”

“Oh, absolutely not.” 

“Hypocrite.”

“Indeed,” Eddie confirms with a shiteating grin. 

Buck laughs in exasperated fondness, grabbing a fistful of Eddie’s shirt and pulling him towards him for a real proper kiss. They bump noses, there’s too much teeth and then...and then...it’s perfect.    
  
Just like Eddie knew it would be. 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments, kudos and general raving are highly encouraged. Or come say hi on [tumblr!](agentlemuse.tumblr.com)


End file.
